Questions & Answers with Pastor Joe

1. I have a friend and we have been dating for long but he has not proposed. What should i do?

Relationships take time and effort to grow. Relationships will require your focused attention and involvement over a considerable period of time to mature. But as the relationship matures, specific issues will have to be discussed by both parties.

If the relationship is below two (2) years, you need not worry that he has not yet proposed. Continue with the relationship if all that remains is for him to propose to you.
You need not be anxious. Anxiety is dangerous. It will make you say the wrong things, act the wrong way, make the wrong decisions and in the end negatively affect the health of your promising relationship.

If the relationship is above two (2) years old, then it is an indication of many things. The brother in question probably has some bottlenecks to contend with. Like:
  a.. Insecurity:
He is not too sure of who you really are. You may have not been sincere with each other. You simply have been playing games with each other and acting as Mr and Mrs and telling each other, " I care for you " but nothing more than that.

He could also be feeling insecure in his inability to cope with you financially.

If this is the problem, then it is time you talk to each other. You need to reassure him. With wisdom, both of you can get out of the seemingly unsettled waters of life.

It will be wise to lay a plan to reach some of your desired financial goals for the next eight months. Do not forget we cannot have all we need, but we need to have necessary things required for marriage e.g. a job, a residential apartment lightly furnished, e.t.c.
  a.. Shyness:

It may surprise you to know that some brothers cannot bring themselves to declare their ultimate desire for your hand in marriage. They will stay by you, talk to you, take you out, but withhold the very words you need to hear to cement the relationship. Many of them believe that their actions are enough to tell you of their intentions to marry you.

Many reasons abound for this attitude in our brothers:

  1.. Their upbringing in life
  2.. Their exposure and experience in life.

My answer to this type of situation is that the brother will have to speak by all means.Relationships are not assumed; and it is only agreed verbal commitments to each other that can give direction and depth to any relationship.

So:
(i) In wisdom talk to him about it.
 (ii) If that fails then do what i did for a sister who came to me for counselling. She felt she had dated a brother long enough and there was really nothing holding the brother back from taking the final plunge, but he simply would not. She became worried and soon started feeling insecure about the direction the relationship may take.

All i did was to sincerely commit the brother in question into God's hands. I told God that if the brother was meant for the suster he should propose within twenty-one (21) days. It will be of no use if he proposes in five (5) years.

God answered that prayer and within aweek the brother proposed. Today, they are happily married with two (2) sons.

Now, if after that he still refuses to talk then i think there is more to his silence than you know.

I will advise you severe the relationship to allow room for other serious minded suitors.

WHAT GOD SAYS.......

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God" (NIV) Philipians 4:6
                                                                     
2.  Is it proper for a sister in courtship to go to her partner's house to help in domestic chores?

There is no straight "Yes" or "No" answer to this question.

Visits to your partner's house cannot be ruled out. It is however very tempting, and as a reult you will require specific laid out restrictions and limitations if you desire not to grieve God and hurt your future destiny.

Take the case of a beloved sister who came into my office one early morning for counselling for instance. With tears in her eyes, she said her partner had jilted her. On investigations, i discovered that she went to her partner's house to help out- cook his food and do some domestic chores. She confessed she got attracted toher partner and seduced him. They committed fornication. The brother after the act felt betrayed and as such called it quits.

Now before you slam the hammer of justice on anyone of them, take a look at the general moral standard of the church. It is nothing to write home about.

As Christians, we should know the tricks of the devil. Sin will take away your choice treasures from your life. It will replace your precious goods with tears, pain and sorrow. You therefore have to exercise high level wisdom to keep your prized partner.

I therefore counsel you to observe the following measures amongst the ones you know already:

a.. Have definite standards for body contacts. For example: No kissing, no caressing,no fondling, no pecking e.t.c.

Note: A relationship without restrictions is heading for the rocks. Even in the garden of Eden, the place of plenty, Adam and Eve had restrictions given them by God "Do not eat of that tree" (Genesis 2:16-17).

a.. Ensure that visits are rare and durations specified and adhered to. Do not make visits a habit. If you simply cannot avoid it, then it is wisdom to go in the company of friends. It may sound childish but if your future is worth anything to you, you will require discipline in your life. Without discipline you will reap pain, tears and sorrow in your life. Do not be deceived.

a.. Ensure you engage yourselves in more outdoor activities like picnics, musical concerts, seminars, outings e.t.c.
WHAT GOD SAYS...

"Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people." Proverbs 14:34

4. Can God show one's partner in a dream? Especially when someone has prayed and fasted for a life partner.
He can but He will not......
 
Many Christians have made relationships a purely spiritual affair. They relegate all responsibilities of their choice of a life partner to God.
They fail to realize that even in the garden of Eden, Adam had to affirm God's choice of a life partner as beneficial to him before a relationship could begin. What did Adam say?
"This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh' Genesis 2:23
 
Christians also fail to see that Adam did not have to make a choice. He had no alternative to choose from. Eve was the first woman he ever saw in his life in the garden. This is not the case with any of us today.
 
Unlike in the Old Testament, God rarely speaks to His children by dreams now. It sounds absurd to me, when i think that God will have to wait for me to fall asleep anytime He has to speak to me about some important life issues. Now do not get angry with me, i simply want to say that:
To expect that God will have to lead you by dreams or vision to your life partner after several sessions of prayers and fasting, is the first step to opening the door to deception. It is not uncommon to see how many relationships including marriages have hit the rocks because of a particular dream one of the partners or someone, somewhere had about them.
Many Christians do not even know the difference between a dream and a vision. They mistake the two for one and the same.
As a Christian, God will principally direct you in life through the following means: the word of God(Bible), the voice of the human spirit(your spirit), the voice of the Holy Spirt and not through dreams.
God has delegated the choice and responsibility of relationship to man. God however in His Word, has outlined specified guidelines we need to adhere to, to get the best choice of a life partner.
Dreams and visions are prone to abuse and demonic interferences.
In conclusion, i sincerely believe that you as an individual, have the responsibility to choose a life partner by bringing to bear your Spiritual, social and physical resources.
 
WHAT GOD SAYS.....
 
This is what the Lord commands the daughters of Zelophehad, saying
"Let them marry whom they think best, but they are to marry only within the family...."    Numbers 36:6
 
 

NOTE: If you have any personal questions, prayer request etc, please do send it to info@ydiyouthmission.org. God Bless you. Amen!